Monday, February 13, 2006

I am a "1". What about you?

I've been thinking about love this weekend. I don't know if it was seeing "Pride and Prejudice" with the unbelievably beautiful Keira Knightley, or just the fact that I think about it a lot in general. Especially when it's bone-chilling cold outside, and I just want a sugar mamma.

I won't talk about LGBT people this morning. This time, it's from the heterosexual context with which I am somewhat familiar that I will speak.

That said, I am quite certain that women and men will never understand each other. Especially when it comes to the sensual side of our natures. After seeing Pride, it became obvious that if I was transported back to 18th century polite-society England, I would suffocate. Take your pick, really: The degraded status of women, as the only thing they were apparently good for was being married off as young as possible. You just couldn't ask for a more hellish life than to be unmarried at 27.

And then there's the whole bowing thing, and the resulting suppression of any real emotion in a social context. I would absolutely freak out.

But let us not forget the predicament of the gentlemen in Her Majesty's society. Not only are they gods and princes (I know, horrible, but hear me out), they have to basically do everything when it comes to courting. Women could barely speak to men unless spoken to first, and I'm sure there was more than one occasion when the women accepted a marriage proposal simply because she was afraid she would have no other opportunity, not because she sincerely loved the man asking her.

I honestly don't think that much has changed. Okay, okay. A lot of things have changed. But I think the men are still expected to be the sole initiative-starters in women-men interactions. We are supposed to call, to pay, to do everything.

My primary complaint to this paradigm is the fact that in such interactions, men have no idea if the women actually like them. It's not that I mind doing certain things that have been relegated to men, but let's be honest. If I'm supposed to initiate every date, every interaction, every kiss, how can I know if my feelings are being reciprocated?

This is why I am greatly attracted to women who, if I may be so bold, subvert this dominant paradigm. Of course, then I, as a "man" in this homophobic and patriarchal society, can run the risk of being labeled a 'wuss' or as 'being weak.'

Well, so be it. There's nothing sexier, to me, than a woman who can take up this exhausting work of love and, basically, meet me halfway.

That being said, let me ask an open question of every heterosexual female that we men are dying to have answered:

Do women really want and/or are attracted to assholes? Because, if so, just let us know. We can be assholes. No problem. But, silly us, we kind of assumed that we should - as we've been told by well-meaning teachers and counselors and parents - "be ourselves." Still, no matter. We'll be jackasses. Just say the word.

Also, while I'm on the subject, I'd like to point out a grievous inequality that I've seen lately. I completely sign onto the notion that we live in a world dominated by men, set up for men, and there are very few places for a woman. Even now, in 2006. But there are those of us in this world who don't place date-rape drugs in drinks; who don't act nice just to get laid and then never call again; those who don't treat women like objects...we exist.

So, in that vein, these guys that are described above, labeled 'nice guys' - we're trying our best. We are afraid not to cross any lines because we respect women as much as we love them (what a concept!), and all we're asking for is the benefit of the doubt. There exist in this world men who are barely better than dogs. But there are good ones, too. But for some of us, we have the choice between acting on our feelings and emotions - and running the risk of getting labeled a 'pervert' or bearing accusations of abuse or worse - or being the 'nice guy', never knowing and never acting. Quite a crappy choice, if you ask me.

Okay. Work time.


At 9:28 AM , Anonymous Katie said...

Most women don't really want assholes. It's just that sometimes it seems that assholes are the only ones that pay attention and/or act on their interest.

"Nice guys" have this horrible tendancy not to do anything because they're afraid of something - be it the girl, rejection, or that ever elusive paradigm of "ruining the friendship."

At 9:35 AM , Anonymous Katie said...

Oh, and you're a 1?

Mean of 3.5; range of 5 - whatever that means.

Yet again, I don't fit into boxes.

At 4:31 PM , Anonymous Bethany McCaughan said...

Have to agree with Katie... And while I understand that few women aggressively take action on their interest -- those most often sending it our way our the 'bad boys'...
You nice men in the world -- the one's we really want to be with, but also fear to initiate something with bc he hasn't shown interest outside of friendship; likely out of the 'fear of ruining the friendship' -- you guys are the one that have to step up! And while the bad boy may be fun -- you realize that it's the nice one, the one that doesn't fill our lives with drama, that we want to grow old with...

It's a vicious circle though - bc the good girls aren't initiating anything either! Guess for both sexes it's one thing to start something that's a mere fling (where nothing risked can be lost/gained)-- but something quite different to approach a 'real' relationship...

At 12:57 AM , Blogger Jessie said...

my "mean" is 10, the range is 6.

I guess that means i'm gay-tastic.


but seriously, i'd be interested to hear what your range is, straighty mcstraight pants.

(ok, major sleep deprivation talking here, must stop typing now)

At 12:32 PM , Anonymous Cait said...

#1: Some women ARE attracted to assholes. This can be explained, but it is unnecessary to do so because you don't WANT any of those girls. Trust me.

#2: Women will give you the benefit of the doubt if you show them you deserve it, sometimes over a long period of time. Initially, when we can't tell dog food from shit, we just sit on it. Why not? It's safer to wait... and wait... and wait...

#3: When you're intelligent, liberal, want to be a pastor, like to party, have height requirements, gender requirements, and don't want to live where you currently are in the future, it might be a little tough to find someone in that specific pool of female applicants.


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