swearing on a monday

After the best worship service and drumming experience of MY LIFE, I went out to eat with some people from my church.

We got on the subject of swearing. Now, I swear like a sailor most times, and I have failed to see the inherent evil in it (assuming it is used in entirely appropriate situations, i.e. NOT in front of kids, with a person you have just met, or when receiving communion [let your imaginations run wild with that one]). However, since I was discussing this with a table that was majority-clergy, they sort of carried the day.

So NOW, since apparently not eating meat for Lent wasn't good enough for this BBQ-raised Texan boy, I was asked to struggle with the issue of swearing for this next year.

Here's some ideas, taking into account the need for a strong physicality of the word and/or phrase itself:

1. shut the front door

2. oh my dear sweet fig-eating frenzied fish forks

3. may your ancestors give birth to camels

4. you insignificant cad

5. puny pigglesticks!

6. you suck (okay, that was my only comeback, alright??)

I welcome your ideas. Let us find some good and wholesome ways to insult ourselves and each other!

...you sultry sandbaggers, you.