Monday, July 10, 2006

swearing on a monday

After the best worship service and drumming experience of MY LIFE, I went out to eat with some people from my church.

We got on the subject of swearing. Now, I swear like a sailor most times, and I have failed to see the inherent evil in it (assuming it is used in entirely appropriate situations, i.e. NOT in front of kids, with a person you have just met, or when receiving communion [let your imaginations run wild with that one]). However, since I was discussing this with a table that was majority-clergy, they sort of carried the day.

So NOW, since apparently not eating meat for Lent wasn't good enough for this BBQ-raised Texan boy, I was asked to struggle with the issue of swearing for this next year.

Here's some ideas, taking into account the need for a strong physicality of the word and/or phrase itself:

1. shut the front door

2. oh my dear sweet fig-eating frenzied fish forks

3. may your ancestors give birth to camels

4. you insignificant cad

5. puny pigglesticks!

6. you suck (okay, that was my only comeback, alright??)

I welcome your ideas. Let us find some good and wholesome ways to insult ourselves and each other!

...you sultry sandbaggers, you.

6 Comments:

At 9:33 PM , Blogger LauraLu said...

Probably something like...

"F you".

Haha.

 
At 10:57 AM , Anonymous James said...

Fine, here are some suggestions.

What to call someone you don't like.
1.) A dingle berry
2.) Fartunion
3.) Republican

What to say if you stub your toe really hard.

1.) Sweet Monkey Fingers!
2.) Klingon's Balls!
3.) Son of a Bush!

 
At 12:51 PM , Blogger Meow said...

You, you you.....COLE! (worst insult ever.)

If my grandma accidentally says "Shit!", she continues with "...I almost said." Or she says, "Ship!"

In the words of the Cole, "Mother Trucker!"

 
At 12:59 PM , Anonymous Matt Bukowski said...

Penn & Teller did a section about this on their show, "Bullshit". Their argument was that if you are coming up with phrases to use instead of cursing, you're not really changing any of the underlying feelings, you're just coming up with cute, childlike alternatives.

Therefore, if there was any inherent evil in swearing, have you really overcome it? All you've done is changed the words.

Just some thoughts. Hope things are going well, buddy, haven't talked to you in forever.

 
At 1:32 PM , Anonymous david, who is in SA and can't remember his blogger password. said...

(Nods in agreement with Matt)

The particular society of the place and time decides which words are inherently "bad" or "evil" or "curse words".

So if dropping the f-bomb is evil when you get cut off in traffic in America in 2006, what will be the curse word when the robots steal your lawnmower in Istanbul in 2322?

The word represents a feeling, or a release of that feeling. The word is not bad, only the effects saying that word on other people or oneself can be bad.

Perhaps giving up cursing can be personally valuable as a cleansing of unhealthy emotions.

Since taking up a job working exclusively in the church with young people I catch myself almost (and sometimes actually) blurting out those awful naughty words, but I've gotten better at creative substitutions.

"Joseph and Mary in EGYPT"
"Son of a sea-cook!"
"Farting Sea Turtles"
"Oh, poop"

 
At 8:06 AM , Blogger LauraLu said...

Alright, my first suggestion was, like, "inappropriate" or something. So here are some others...

A moment of sudden pain or surprise:
- Sweet baby Moses
- Crap it!
- Ouch or Whoa(It's classic. Shut up.)

To a person you aren't so fond of:
- Cad
- One tacky son of a gun
- Charlatan
- Hey, you smell like elderberries.

Hope these help!

 

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