Saturday, November 26, 2005

You see them everywhere you go. Fences are put up to protect you from them. They have their own shows. They are sometimes referred to as "cute". But we all know what they really are: Satan's playthings.

Dogs mainly exist to scare the everloving shit out of people on their way to work. I am convinced of this. My scariest moments in Africa involved these bloodthirsty mongrels. Fences aren't meant to keep people out - they are to keep the dogs in. The minute you doubt this, get ready for your skin to jump out and your life to be changed...forever.

It's not even funny. People rarely seem to try and train their dogs to be decent canine members of society. Signs abound warning people to "Beware of Dog(s)". After my close encounters with these so-called 'best friends of men', I question whether or not people really want dogs as friends or as cold-blooded machines of war.

I was walking back home from work one day, taking in the smells and sights of my neighborhood - which are never really lacking - when BAM a dog comes out of nowhere and honestly makes me jump off the sidewalk, trip on the curb, and fall into the street, where a car luckily missed me. Thank the good Lord I didn't end up in the hospital, because the minute I got out, I would have gone back to the house and tie that dog in the middle of the street and watch - nay, film - his unfortunate and untimely death.

Does this sound overly sadistic? Well, see above. Dogs are Satan's intruments of evil. Consider only this - "God" backwards is "Dog". I rest my case.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!


At 3:37 AM , Blogger Laura Holm said...

So, while I laughed at this entry, and remembered our time in the stationery store in Japantown. Remember how you picked out which dogs you would shoot, drop kick, and the ONE you found cute. I think dog cards are silly, but I love dogs themselves.

You are funny and I miss you.

At 8:04 AM , Blogger Ross said...

Don't blame the dog. Blame the stupid owner who leaves them outside all day, and never teaches them to be nice.

And just because dogs are large and scary looking, doesn't mean they are mean dogs. I have a very friendly, big dog. In fact, sometimes he's a little too friendly!


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