I just got done with an exercise in crap.

For reasons unknown to me, I was apparently involved in a relationship with the designation of "It's Complicated", in the lingo of Facebook. This was a while back, and I, of course, was unable to get over this person. (See: EVERY PERSON I'VE EVER REALLY LIKED.) Well, like any normal person, I would have moved on (like she did), but I have yet to achieve this important feat.

There's a question that may be brewing in some of your heads - What if she's reading this right now? Well, fear not. I don't think she's read any of my entries. Plus, this is real, from the gut, and I need to get it out. I could talk more about abstract concepts and theological certainties (or lack thereof), but this is MY BLOG. What else should I write about, except that about which I am moved to write? Yes, my thoughts exactly. Glad you're with me on this one.

(CAVEAT: If she IS reading this right now, I should probably apologize for...oh, fuck it. I've given enough caveats in the past 24 hours to satisfy a lifetime of 'State of the Union' addresses.)

I'm just tired, mostly. Why do we do this to ourselves? Sure, it's the whole risk-reward thing, but why would we knowingly enter into a situation where our heart is taken for a ride? I am clueless on this point.

I know, I know. This is the guy who has railed on 'love' many a time, not just in his blog. For those of you who are tired of hearing me rant, just ignore this and wait until my next post. For those of you that are either in a relationship where you like them more than they you, or vice-versa, then welcome to the club. How could two people be truly mutual in their love for one another? My roommate Cole said it could only be in that first moment when they meet each other. I agree with that. And only IF both are currently single, open to dating (i.e. not still hung up on some past person), and genuinely interested in the other person. AFTER ALL THAT, they still must be attracted to each other, both mentally and physically.

I mean, I might as well start playing the lottery.

None of the relationships I admire are perfect, and I understand this. But I almost want to believe, unequivocally, that there MUST be a reason for these things to occur. "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?" Maybe when I'm in another relationship. It's all about perspective. If I was involved with someone right now, I wouldn't even be writing this post. I would be able to be friends with this person for whom I had deep, deep feelings, no sweat. Yes, I'd say. Absolutely better to have loved and lost! What's life without love? And then I'd get ready to spend an evening with my partner.

But, man oh man, when you're single, things look so much different. Especially if you're single by circumstance instead of choice. It's like when you're drunk and you - all of the sudden - want to call those people from your past that you haven't spoken to in years (or, at least since your last drunken outing). It's almost as if I should physically be UNABLE to talk about lost love until I am at a place where I can do so somewhat intelligently.

But, alas, I am single. I thought this post was gonna be a rip on this person from my past. But, the truth is, I can't rip on her. She's an amazing person. It just didn't work out that way. I wish I could still be friends with her. But I have to be honest with myself at least ONCE during the day.

Hey, it's Thursday! I love you all. I mean, not in the way that sucks. Love in that wholesome, non-awkward, simple way. You know.