Thursday, May 18, 2006

I just got done with an exercise in crap.

For reasons unknown to me, I was apparently involved in a relationship with the designation of "It's Complicated", in the lingo of Facebook. This was a while back, and I, of course, was unable to get over this person. (See: EVERY PERSON I'VE EVER REALLY LIKED.) Well, like any normal person, I would have moved on (like she did), but I have yet to achieve this important feat.

There's a question that may be brewing in some of your heads - What if she's reading this right now? Well, fear not. I don't think she's read any of my entries. Plus, this is real, from the gut, and I need to get it out. I could talk more about abstract concepts and theological certainties (or lack thereof), but this is MY BLOG. What else should I write about, except that about which I am moved to write? Yes, my thoughts exactly. Glad you're with me on this one.

(CAVEAT: If she IS reading this right now, I should probably apologize for...oh, fuck it. I've given enough caveats in the past 24 hours to satisfy a lifetime of 'State of the Union' addresses.)

I'm just tired, mostly. Why do we do this to ourselves? Sure, it's the whole risk-reward thing, but why would we knowingly enter into a situation where our heart is taken for a ride? I am clueless on this point.

I know, I know. This is the guy who has railed on 'love' many a time, not just in his blog. For those of you who are tired of hearing me rant, just ignore this and wait until my next post. For those of you that are either in a relationship where you like them more than they you, or vice-versa, then welcome to the club. How could two people be truly mutual in their love for one another? My roommate Cole said it could only be in that first moment when they meet each other. I agree with that. And only IF both are currently single, open to dating (i.e. not still hung up on some past person), and genuinely interested in the other person. AFTER ALL THAT, they still must be attracted to each other, both mentally and physically.

I mean, I might as well start playing the lottery.

None of the relationships I admire are perfect, and I understand this. But I almost want to believe, unequivocally, that there MUST be a reason for these things to occur. "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?" Maybe when I'm in another relationship. It's all about perspective. If I was involved with someone right now, I wouldn't even be writing this post. I would be able to be friends with this person for whom I had deep, deep feelings, no sweat. Yes, I'd say. Absolutely better to have loved and lost! What's life without love? And then I'd get ready to spend an evening with my partner.

But, man oh man, when you're single, things look so much different. Especially if you're single by circumstance instead of choice. It's like when you're drunk and you - all of the sudden - want to call those people from your past that you haven't spoken to in years (or, at least since your last drunken outing). It's almost as if I should physically be UNABLE to talk about lost love until I am at a place where I can do so somewhat intelligently.

But, alas, I am single. I thought this post was gonna be a rip on this person from my past. But, the truth is, I can't rip on her. She's an amazing person. It just didn't work out that way. I wish I could still be friends with her. But I have to be honest with myself at least ONCE during the day.

Hey, it's Thursday! I love you all. I mean, not in the way that sucks. Love in that wholesome, non-awkward, simple way. You know.


At 11:27 AM , Blogger david said...

"How could two people be truly mutual in their love for one another?"

They can't.

In my opinion, a lasting relationship isn't built on a perfect balance of love and mutual affection. Chances are that any day out of the year, the balances are gonna be tipped one way or the other. Partner #1 has had a really long, stressful day and doesn't have time to shower love on Partner #2. Or Partner #2 just had a family or work or friend crisis and has to devote energy away from Partner #1.
The stability of relationships isn't the absence of emotion, it is being able to see past the emotion and the temporary. To put absolute faith in the other person and the relationship - it's tough, and it takes a very, very long time.

I know you know this. I guess I just wanted to give my two cents as "that friend who's been in a relationship for a really long time." By the way, sometimes we all miss being single.

At 11:42 AM , Blogger Meow said...

And How.


I just happen to love Dearly Beloved more than I loved being single.

At 5:22 PM , Anonymous Katie said...

Jason Chesnut, I love you, too. Just because. 'In that wholesome, non-awkward, simple way.'

In other news, I hate the smell of whatever it is my neighbors are cooking for dinner. It's gross. Just thought you'd like to know that. That and the juxtaposition kind of amuses me.

At 10:21 AM , Anonymous James Lee said...

And now another point of view.

Love is often minimized to images or ideas of outwardly affection, or kind physical embraces, or any other COMPONENTS of the whole. Take these same perceptions and apply them to love that a person has for oneself. Do you love yourself less if you don't leave a sticky-note on your desk saying "I love you, me"? Is your self-love diminished because you didn't take the time to rinse, lather AND REPEAT? Point being, love - in the true essence and meaning of the word - is perfect.

The imperfection of love comes from those who misrepreset or misunderstand it. We are imperfect, but love is not. Many people have said it in different ways, but the basic idea goes as follows: "The opposite of love is not hate - it is apathy". So to take this one step further in the natural progression of thought, what is the opposite of apathy - active participation, perhaps. Genuine concern.

Love exists as a condition for a single person, or a couple, a family, a network of friends, a community, and so on and so forth. If love is truly love, naturally, it must also be "truly mutual" has to be. It's when you start getting into the realm of "who likes the other person more?"... when the confusion of mutual "love" develops into misrepresentation of Love.

This is a hard topic to pinpoint. Basically, it's the thread that connects every human being in the history of existence - understanding love as it applies to oneself and to others. But in this situation, I must maintain that true love can and should be truly mutual.

Try not to think of love as an item in a house that two people give back and forth to each that sense, love is often possessed (thus felt) by one person. Try to think of love as being the house, itself. It's a condition that two people choose to share. All the things that occur while in that perfect dwelling are components of the whole. Can you imagine living in a house in which the furniture, decorations, color, etc. were perfectly mirrored? No, the perfection comes from the balance of incongruity. In a sense, the imperfect components create the perfect whole. Life's not simple, and neither is love. But you'll be fine, brother. The door to my house is always open for you. And of course, I mean that in a completely heterosexual way. You sicko.


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