take to the skies

We are in a holding pattern hundreds of miles from our destination (my own personal hell), and I am understanding less and less of how, exactly, an airplane stays in the air. Perhaps I shouldn’t be spending so much time considering this at the same time that I am sitting in one, you might say, but for some reason this is calming me down.

And so I will go ahead and highlight another thing I just don’t understand concerning airplanes:

Out of sight, out of mind.

For some reason, a few people feel inclined to act like complete assholes on planes. My best guess is that since they stand little chance of seeing another person ever again, they figure they can dive into their own personal, self-obsessed, others-obliterating universe whenever they damn well please.

I just returned from the bathroom in the back of the plane, and when I was done, I forgot to shut the door. Honest mistake, I tell myself, as I realize the error and turn back to correct it. Lest my abrupt halt and about turn was misunderstood, the gentleman next to the door – less than 10 inches from the toilet – is pointing at the door with his eyebrows raised, as if to say, “Forget something, dumbshit?” I raise my hand and nod my head, again recognizing the lack of judgment. But he’s not done. He watches me close the door, shaking his head and turning to his neighbors to make sure they understand the severity of what I’ve done. He was truly inconvenienced, I’d say. If he was so inclined, he could have reached over with his hand and closed the door – a monstrous task that would have taken a full two seconds to accomplish. Or he could have, when I turned around, smiled politely, acknowledging what I had already acknowledged – my “oops” moment. But, no. His flight was on the verge of being ruined, and he was not going to let me get away with my senseless act of violence against his sensibilities.

I’m sorry. I really am. Now stop trying to shame me, and show a little empathy.

That’s really it, I guess. I was going to go into some other rant, but we are approaching Atlanta. This is my favorite part of the flight: the end.